Four deaths in a year. So sorry that's really a little too overwhelming for me.

I personally thought last year was the one of my life's most down periods. This year has given me a new perception of what is called 'life' and 'what matters in life'.

What happens if any of my parents were to go tomorrow? I'm not being unfilial and cursing them, I'm just being open and frank about it. Sure, I'm so going to have a hellish time and weep like someone tore my flesh piece by piece. But I'm very certain they are going to a place of eternity. They realised too, after all the spate of events this year, that life is highly unpredictable. I'm just very grateful that we all know the way, the truth and the life.

Now when I think about it, I wonder how I coped with the mini family crisis months ago. Everything happened at the wrong time and I thought my exams were a goner. All the nights of weeping and thoughts of giving up haunted my almost every available moment. Though I never ever want to relive them, I really thank God that He saw my through. Friends come and go, help comes as and when, emotions go up and down. But through it all, He was the only one who had never forsaken me.

Sometimes I have many issues which I can never find peace with. Everyone has. Some days I frustrate myself to sleep, or I would cry over them, give them the cold shoulder and put them away for a while etc. I just want to recommit them into the Lord's hands, because He is God and He will help me. He causes the blind to see, He makes the lame walk again, He blesses the needy and make them filled, and He will turn Jessie's sorrows into joy.

Be it last year, this year, in years to come, I'm thankful that God's grace will always be with me. From The Inside Out just came into mind all of a sudden.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul
I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out